What's Been Happening

Well, since the last time I wrote, things have changed so very much. During this time I intentionally avoided posting here as a way of coping because I didn't want to face the truth myself.

Following the ultrasound on the 4th I scheduled an appointment with an ob/gyn to have testing and another ultrasound done because I had doubts on the validity of the blighted ovum per what the ultrasound from the er visit said.
My appointment was scheduled on September 11 and the morning of I made sure to go by the hospital and take a peek at those records from the er visit where the ultrasound was performed. Upon viewing my records, it was obvious that the ultrasound showed a little fetus measuring 6w0d, but at that time there was no heartbeat possibly because it was just too early. So that gave me hope that maybe, maybe the Ultrasound revealing the blighted ovum was wrong, but if it was right it would be a step in confirming embryonic reabsorbtion.
On the 11 when I had my Ultrasound at the ob office it was discovered that there was, in fact, not a blighted ovum at all, but a tiny baby that had stopped developing at 6w2d, or August 30. Just two days after my er visit. To be totally honest I wasn't expecting that, so I was in a sorry of denial. I spoke with the doctor and decided that scheduling a d&c was best since I had already been carrying the dead fetus for 2 weeks and I wasnt emotionally able to keep waiting to pass it naturally and face the possibility that I would be alone during the process with my children... I scheduled it for September 14.

In a sense, there was relief because I finally knew that there was an end in sight, but I needed to grieve the child I lost.

Come Friday we get to the hospital bright and early and complete all pre op tests, including another ultrasound, which confirmed everything a second time. My friend and husband were there with me so I wasnt going through it alone.

After I woke up from the procedure I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and I could move on and grieve for sure.

Now I am just finishing the rest of my recovery following an allergic reaction to one of my surgery meds and a uterine infection. My bleeding is nearly gone, but the more active I am, the more I bleed. My dr told me that as soon as the bleeding is totally gone that we are able to try again, so now it's just waiting to heal.

I have a book about grieving a miscarriage and a butterfly necklace for my angel baby. I have already begun planning a memorial tattoo that I plan on having put on my wrist.

Unfortunately, while I am using the app, this is all I feel like writing, but I will post some pictures.